Here’s how to bounce back when your self-esteem is thin
The famous saying may be “it’s better to love and lose than not to love at all”, but it’s clear that poet Alfred Lord Tennyson never got into a situation boat.
Yes, a situation vessel described as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered formal or established” can be utterly brutal when it comes to an end, but why?
Luckily, dating and relationship coach Sabrina Bendory came to her rescue on TikTok, explaining why it hurt so much and how to recover while you’re still confident.
“Getting off a status ship can sometimes be harder than ending a long-term relationship because that’s the death of potential,” the pro told his 145,000 followers.
“Potential always looks so much better than reality, and it also gives that added level of pain. [the other person in the situationship] I didn’t even want to give it a real chance to see what was out there.”
Sound familiar? You are definitely not alone. But before sending that big rant to the other person, there are some steps Bendory needs to follow to keep her head up (although it all hurts like hell) and move on.
1. Accept that they are not yours
It sounds cliché, but Bendory really does make sense – the right person will want to be with you.
“You didn’t do anything wrong here, first of all it wasn’t enough, and it’s not a loss – not everyone is available and that’s okay,” he insists.
2. Be kind to yourself
Yes, it’s really easy to start being tough on yourself and think you’re hurtful and OTT, but honestly, you’re only making things harder for yourself – you’re allowed to feel sorry.
Bendory explains: “I know you feel like an idiot for being so sad it’s over, but your hurt is valid – it was a loss and the loss is painful.
“You’re excited about something and then disappointed when it doesn’t happen – who wouldn’t be disappointed by that?”
Before you start blaming yourself for the end of the situation ship, hit the brakes.
“It is the stories we tell ourselves about what happened, not what happens to us, that determines whether we will suffer or not. and it becomes part of your story,” he adds.
Bendory warns that by repeating these thoughts and making it part of your story, you will carry this narrative straight into your next relationship, so instead of being mean to yourself, you can argue over and over that it didn’t work out because the person wasn’t right for you.
3. Ask yourself ‘what did I learn here?’ ask.
As painful as disappointment may be, every time you encounter it, you are given a chance to stop and reflect on what you have learned.
“You felt an intense attraction to the other person – but why? What did they represent to you, what needs did they fulfill?” Asks Bendory.
“When we feel this intense magnetic pull towards another person, it’s usually more about us than it is about the other person.”
Oooof – too many hard facts?
4. Fill your life
If you’re guilty of obsessively thinking about the other person now that the situation ship has ended – that’s fine, but it’s time to help yourself.
Bendory explains: “The obsession grows in empty space – if you keep obsessing over what went wrong then you have to stop, you’ll keep driving yourself crazy.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, it just wasn’t enough to keep a relationship going. Instead of diverting your focus to something else, think of something that excites you or gives you joy.
Post-situation self-deprecation? We do not know him.